2000 Alfa Romeo 156 review from UK and Ireland

Engine failed at 4,500 miles.

Starter motor replaced at 16,000 miles.

Engine Management chip reprogrammed twice.

Faulty rear door locks replaced.

Faulty handbrake mechanism replaced.

Steering geometry problems.

Faulty sunroof replaced.

Water ingress in boot.

Sections of bodykit detached, plus some poorly painted areas on the kit.

Various electrical nonsense.

If a car could sell by looks alone, the Alfa 156 would top every sales chart there is. This is particularly true of the lowered, Zender-bodykitted beauty I fell in love with.

Unfortunately, she broke my heart, and had the car not been under warranty, it would probably have been my wallet as well.

Alfa Romeo have set their sights on BMW, Mercedes and Lexus in the compact executive class, but sadly they're way off the mark. It's true to say that the Alfa delivers one of the most exhilirating driving experiences around today. But the build quality, reliability, and - above all, dealer network, let the seductive promises made by that gorgeous bodywork down - badly.

Quite apart from all the frankly unacceptable mechanical and electrical failures that I and many other 156 owners have experienced, the lackadaisical approach of Alfa UK dealers if breathtaking in scope.

Oh, they're very professional and courteous while they're trying to get you to spend your hard-earned cash in their sweetie shop. But once you and your money have been separated, Dr Jekyll disappears, and Mr Hyde will see to your after-sales support, Sir.

I used to own a SAAB - they could show Alfa a thing or two about customer service. Come to think of it, the girl behind the till at Sainsbury's has more of a clue. Arrogant, dismissive, rude, incompetent. Just four of the many negative words I could use to describe the service team at my local Alfa dealership. I blame the parent. Fiat SA were uncommunicative, unsympathetic and uninterested. To use the Latin, "caveat emptor" seems to be the order of the day.

And in the end, I will never buy another Alfa or Fiat product again. Nor will I ever recommend one to anyone of sound mind.

So what price Customer Service now?

Beware, the beauty is a beast.