Faults:

Rear tailgate struts did not work very well. Replaced from a scrapyard for £6 after I got sick of being smacked on the head by a (very heavy) boot-lid a few dozen times.

Stereo speakers gave up after a few weeks of pumping out grunge / metal / indie music instead of their customary Radio 2. Replaced with the ones from my own car at the cost of a half-hours fiddling.

A new battery was needed at 71,000 miles at a cost of £23. (The old one was 9 years old).

The heated seats have never worked.

The starter-motor tends to stick now and again. So what, my house is on a hill! When it gets too bad I'll take it off and fix it or get a new one from the scrapyard.

General Comments:

I buy cheap cars with a year's mot and run them 'till they drop, so I don't expect much except a reliable old warhorse that gets me to work and carries all my stuff about. This is exactly what you get with a 340.

This car cost me £230, and will carry everything I can stuff in or on it in a surprising amount of comfort.

It was seriously ugly when new, so any dents, scratches or touch-ups can only improve its appearance!

Due to its truly deeply unfashionable nature, a 340 will never get stolen, vandalized or stopped by the police, despite where you take it or where you leave it. This must be a plus in a weird sort of way! This also means you can pick them up for next to nothing due to a poor street image.

Rattly old 1.4 Renault-derived engine will just go on and on-some of these babies reach 200k with ease.

They are easy to fix yourself at home as everything is big, solid and accessible. Although I'm not a trained mechanic, I do all my own repairs and the only time my cars see the inside of a garage is for their mot (if I think they stand a remote chance of passing that is!) so easy bodges is a thing I value highly.

Build quality is not as high as on other, larger Volvo models, and a 340 will rust if neglected. This is usually superficial, however (door bottoms, tailgate, wheel arches etc.). The rest of the car is pretty solid, and it feels like you're driving a much bigger car.

As they are usually owned by older people and kept in the family a long time, a 340 will not have been as abused as a Ford etc. of the same age, and can represent a real low-mileage bargain.

Insurance is a little higher than comparable cars (group 7), but the 1.4 does qualify for cheap road tax in the UK.

My 340 will cruise all day at 80-90 mph, can just scrape 100 on the speedometer, even fully loaded, and will return 35mpg on average. Acceleration is no ball of fire, but will get you out of trouble if you use the gears. (This is a heavy car for its size/horsepower).

Things to watch out for are broken door hinges, damaged carburettor mounts causing induction leaks and poor starting/performance, weak electrics and stripped propshafts, although I've been lucky so far...

All 340s have notchy, lumpy gearboxes, especially from 3rd to 2nd. They all do this, and it's nothing to worry about. Stay clear of automatics, as these are what gave 340s their reputation for being troublesome, thirsty and slow.

Also watch unpredictable rear-drive handling, especially in the wet. I love rear-drive cars, but these are a separate beast altogether!

All in all, a 340 will give you reliable 5-seater transport, do what you ask of it and is so ugly it's almost cute. Easy to live with and comradely if not exactly loveable!

Faults:

The first failure was the starter motor. I was able to get away with bashing it with a golf club for a couple of months before resigning myself to buying a new one (about £30 if I recall correctly). Fitting it myself was a doddle (I have NO previous mechanical experience).

The bush in the distributer cap became worn, so I replaced the cap (about £10).

The carburettor has a couple of screws which work their way loose over a period of a month or two. I had to retrieve one from inside the carburettor once! Solved this by coating the screws in a locking fluid.

The boot pistons are shot, so I use a golf umbrella to prop the lid up.

Clutch is starting to slip; got a quote of £127 for a new one today. Haynes reckons it's a "3 spanner" job, which should just be within my capability.

Fuel lines into the pump were starting to leak, so they were replaced.

Bodywork is starting to rust, but nothing structural, yet.

Exhaust fell off, but this too was easily replaced.

General Comments:

I was quite lucky because my 340 was previously owned by an old guy who covered about 2-3000 miles per year and had Volvo service it religiously. I'm pretty sure that the clutch wear is due to my driving style - so I'll be kinder to the new one.

The first time I drove it I couldn't stop laughing at how much guesswork is involved with steering. I've never captained an oil-tanker, but I imagine it's not too different from guiding my 340 along a wet motorway.

Beware of approaching roundabouts in the wet. I've never gone through a 360 (yet), but I've certainly scared myself a few times.

It's quicker than it looks; you can easily upset Wide-Boys in their Novas/Clios/Fiestas. The brakes are good too, which is fortunate because there's a lot of metal to stop.

Comfort is quite good; the seats are like armchairs and the cabin is large.

It's a very easy car to work on (even for a novice) and I'd recommend buying a Haynes manual.

Despite all of the above problems, I'm glad I bought a 340. I laugh at boy-racers who think they look good in Novas with lowered suspension, blue headlights and holed exhausts. I know the 340 isn't sexy, but I don't care. When I do finally enter the midlife crisis, then I'll get an Impreza and start harassing other road users. Until that time, I'll steam around in my tanker with a big grin on my face.