Overheated due to faulty thermostat.
Overheated (several times) due to faulty hoses.
Overheated due to faulty radiator.
Failed to start owing to dead battery.
Failed to start owing to dead battery 6 months later.
Electric windows failed.
Tyres persistently deflated, unevenly.
Wore out new tyres after 5,000 miles due to previous fault.
Ran hot and burned oil throughout, even in sub-freezing temperatures.
Went off tune every 500 to 1,000 miles resulting in mileage of 10 to 12 mpg.
Persistent strong petrol smell in cabin.
Soft top poor quality, difficult to erect, and very leaky when closed. Above the windscreen, the gaps are big enough to fit your fingers into. The doors also leak from the top edge.
70s-style textured vinyl hard top warped in storage and wouldn't reattach.
Driver's seat foam collapsed.
Regular electrical failures.
Windscreen wiper rubbers regularly worked loose and became entangled in one another, so they would always jam in heavy rain - I nearly died the first time this happened in fast traffic on a wet night.
Brakes failed at 65,000 miles.
This car has only three faults: either it won't start, or it stops unexpectedly, or it won't stop at all.
Failure of some aspect of the cooling system is usually the cause of the first two. The ridiculously small Metro battery goes flat very fast trying to turn over a 2.8 litre V6, which may be why my car used batteries every 3,000 miles or so.
I have no idea why the brakes failed, and it wasn't poor maintenance because it cost me a fortune.
You sit low down so visibility through the small screen is poor.
The cabin is shoddily built, with 1970s-style fibreglass "trim" panels and Austin switchgear, giving it a kit-car feel. The fibreglass dashboard panels also warp in the sun over the course of a few years, so the gloom of the tacky black GRP instrument panel is relieved only by yawning gaps where the yellow unpainted GRP is visible.
Handling appears good, but the car is too heavy and underpowered to be sure.
Sound insulation is poor, with very intrusive engine noise and much crash-bang-rattle from panels when driving over an uneven surface.
The engine makes a dull buzz and has no discernible character; in fact the most noticeable noise the car makes is a tinny whistling from the exhaust.
It is difficult to keep the car looking spruce because it has a lot of tacky matt black trim. Coupled with the ugly Wolfrace wheels, which oxidise to a dull grey within days of a polish, it has a drab and boxy appearance. Styling is reminiscent of a Mark IV Cortina, particularly when viewed from the side.
The car sits so low that it grounds regularly when traversing speed bumps, damaging the exhaust.
Although technically a 'classic', insurance is expensive and comparable to a modern car, probably because of the high cost of repair. Theft is unlikely though - the car's mechanical unreliability makes it unlikely a thief would get far in one.
The same limitation applies to owners too, of course. The car regularly let me down and was basically too unreliable to tolerate. Going anywhere in it was a reckless undertaking, since many of its faults were dangerous ones and every attempted journey in it brought a very strong chance of non-arrival or death.
The only thing to be said in this appalling, dangerous, unreliable car's favour is that it is rare. This is, however, a natural consequence of its undesirability.